As much as I can't stand the feeling that I'm giving up and not finishing the year, I feel like it's time to return. It's not been the year I expected, and it was highly naive of me to ever believe that such a perfect year was possible. Projects aren't always going to work out, and in my case they didn't, my heart lies with my children and the city of Trujillo, the memories I have from there are completely unexplainable.
Returning home ill was a huge deal, I hadn't even thought about the possibility of that happening which made it all more surreal, but I did it. That might sound like a piece of cake but it wasn't. I had to leave the year abroad that I had been planning for the previous two years of my life, and also leave my home that I made in Trujillo. Returning back out was potentially even harder, travelling with my family was amazing, it was so lovely to share that experience with them in Peru. However once they left it was hard, I had already gotten used to life in the UK again and it took re-adjusting and then the homesick waves all over again. Plus the fact we couldn't get to our project for three weeks whilst stuck in the sweltering heat of Piura, taking a ridiculous amounts of bucket showers each day and going to the cinema hundreds of times added to it. But I did it.
We got to the new project in Lima a few weeks back and it was like a whole other world to what I was used to. It was a private orphanage rather than a government one so very different. We worked over 13 hours a day, and it was all so regimented that it kind of felt like an prison at times. I basically wasn't happy there which would have been fine, but I also didn't feel like I was making a difference, rather just being in the way instead. I came away to have the chance to grow bonds and help in a way that I was good at, however I wasn't allowed to express my creativity there, it was such a strict regime, no arts and crafts or fun, no piano keyboards allowed, not what I had imagined or been told to expect.
I'm not ashamed of not finishing my time here in Peru, I'm proud that I even had the balls to come out in the first place. I gave everything to my first half the year and the kids in Trujillo and leaving was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I just don't know if I'm ready yet to get so close to people to tear it down again. I cried on my first day at the new project as one of the babies reminded me of Ricardo and it was just too much.
I also need the NHS, AGAIN, it's been a darn shame that the year when I really need amazing medical attention I'm away from it all. Your health has to come first in every situation and I've definitely learnt this over the past year. Doctors appointments are already booked. I may come back out to travel at the end of the year, I may not. All this decision making so far in advance is silly, you never know when you're going to change your mind.
I'm really wanting to volunteer again, but once I'm refreshed and over this experience, rushing things too soon doesn't get you anywhere. So yeah, I'm currently sitting in Lima airport walking around like a nutter trying to find wifi, but strangely enough I feel so different to last time. I feel like I've accomplished something! A part of me will always remain here in Peru and as hard as it is, it's amazing. I will write explaining things in detail when I have chance but right now I have a flight to catch, very sudden decision and that why I haven't told anyone.
See you all soon!!
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